he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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