I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
