My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
