can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
