can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Non-Jews are for practice
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im holly from the hills drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize