I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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