Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
