Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
