Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
