I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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