You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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