I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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