I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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