Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
