do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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