I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
