Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
