The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
