Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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