He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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