is your mom at the bar?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
