I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
