well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
