So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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