Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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