Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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