Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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