I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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