Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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