I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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