i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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