upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
