Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just puked most of my soul out..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
