Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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