I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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