I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
