he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
