What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
