I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
