clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
do nipples grow back?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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