you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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