Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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