remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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