Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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