is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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