And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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