hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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