I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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