Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
