I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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