If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize