dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
how does that bad decision feel?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize