i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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