we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
