How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
