just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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