five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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