my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a search helicopter?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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