I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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