You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
