Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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