just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
