I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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