and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
