Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
