I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize