I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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