I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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