well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize