Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
