I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
