I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
