Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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