we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
