Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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