Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
