my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think people are normalizing furries
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize