He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
